Since Christmas is coming soon, I figured it’s a good time to look back and remember some of my childhood toys. I spent the early morning hours combing through old Christmas catalogs to see what I could find. My heart swelled with nostalgia as I virtually flipped through the pages, and a rush of childhood memories came flooding back. I even rediscovered a few toys I had forgotten about. Others seemed familiar, but I didn’t have any specific memories of them, so I can’t say for sure that I even had them.
These are not the only toys I had. I had a lot of toys. Despite the fact that my father was the sole breadwinner on a modest income, he liked to make sure we were spoiled on Christmas and our birthdays. Growing up, he had been one of five boys, so I doubt he got very many toys at Christmas—no shade towards my grandparents; they provided the best they could. I’m sure Dad just wanted us to experience what he couldn’t. Upon looking through these catalogs and realizing how expensive some of these things were back then fills me with love & gratitude. He really was the best.
My Very First Toys
These are a few of the toys I remember from when I was really small. There’s not much to say about any of them. I remember some very clearly like the cash register. That one prepared me for the ten years I spent at McDonald’s. I also remember my See N Say, which was the gold, farm-themed one. Others, like the pots and pans with faces, I only have a vague recollection of. In fact, I only remember the red guy, and I feel like I used to play with him in the bathtub.
My First Technology
What Gen X kid did not own a Fisher Price Chatter Phone (top left)? I know it was one of my first toys, as well as my first portable, wireless phone. We’ve come a long way in telephone technology, but I rank this sweet little guy right up there with the iPhone. After all, I bet you can’t name one smartphone on the market that greets you with a smile and has wheels.
I clearly remember having a white microphone that looked a lot like the one pictured here, but I can’t be certain this is the exact one. Apparently, I used to grab my mike, stand on the picnic table, and entertain the neighbors with my caterwauling. I have no recollection of this, but my mother liked to speak of it—almost as if she wanted me to be embarrassed about it. Too bad, Mom. I have no shame. Also, my name was destined to be in lights. I just haven’t been discovered yet.
Ahhh, the Little Professor, my first computer, and the precursor to my TI-83 graphing calculator. As a child, there’s no fun quite like answering math questions in your free time. I remember my Little Professor very well; he lived in our junk drawer. Apparently there are people who collect calculators, and the Little Professor is a favorite amongst them. I wish I could say the same.
I had an orange phone that looked just like this. I can’t really remember having two, but I feel like there were two. I probably just don’t remember the intercom feature because who would I have talked to? My parents may have humored me the day I got it, but after that, all bets were off. The television was their golden calf, and they were faithful worshippers. There was no escaping the television in our home. Even during dinner the evening news would blare from the TV in the kitchen. Life with Boomers, eh.
Did you think I was going to mention the cutting edge technology of my childhood and not mention the OG? The Atari 2600. Anyone who was anyone had one. My parents weren’t really up on trends, but even we had one. I’m sure I played my fair share of Pong back in the day, but it turns out video games aren’t really my thing. It was actually my mother who became addicted to them. While nothing could pull her away from Love in the Afternoon on ABC, she also made sure to carve out time for The Other Man: Pac Man.
Pointless Toys
Each of these toys is pointless in its own way. The Rubik’s Cube was pointless because who the hell could solve it? The only way I could master it was by pulling the stickers off. The Etch A Sketch was worthless because it’s not like you could actually draw pictures with it. At least I couldn’t. The only thing I could make resembled an EKG. I hated this toy. It pissed me off. Finally, we have the View-Master. Yeah, it’s cool to see pictures in 3D…exactly once. Then what am I supposed to do with it? I distinctly remember a picture of a yak. I have no idea why I would remember that.
Fold & Go Playsets
I vaguely remember the treehouse, so I must have gotten it when I was really little. That Sesame Street play set was great. Of course, I loved anything related to Sesame Street; it was my favorite show, after all. I wish I could go back in time and play with this again. I played with the Fisher Price house a ton, too. I wasn’t much for dolls, but I loved these little play sets with which I could act out dramatic scenarios with my various cast of characters.
Miscellaneous Toys
I loved Strawberry Shortcake! I can still remember the smell of her hair! I got her for Christmas one year along with one of her friends. I feel like it was Raspberry Tart. Unfortunately, I took it to school and loaned it to a little b**** of a girl who kept it for herself. I was not the type who would have asked for it back. I was shy and didn’t have the best social skills.
I also had a little blue portable record player. Santa brought me some Strawberry Shortcake read-along books that came with little records:
And now for my favorite toy that I never had. The Hot Wheels USA Deluxe Set from 1981. It belonged to my brother, but I played with it all of the time. It really scratched that urban planning itch before SimCity was a thing. I kinda sorta still want it and may periodically check them out on eBay. Unfortunately, I can’t really afford to purchase a used play set that is covered in someone else’s childhood filth…and probably boogers.
